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Happy Thursday! It’s Friday Eve!

Who Am I? – Part 2 (A personal and CK Story) 

[This is Part 2 of a personal story/some CK history. I strongly suggest you read Part 1 first if you haven’t already. This part of my story is deeply personal, and I share it today from a place of vulnerability but also hope.] 

When I first stepped out of CK, I really had no idea what to do with my days. No email, no accounting, no meetings; it felt like I had no purpose. I spent a solid month “unwinding” from the tightly wound mess I had myself in. Unwinding practically looked like sitting on my couch watching pointless television while crying off and on all day. It wasn’t pretty at all. Around that same time, Craig’s life had also changed. He had gone from being “a Christian” to a fully surrendered follower of Christ. Perhaps that makes sense to some of you and for others I am sure it is as clear as mud. I guess a simple way to say it is that he’d gone all in on his faith, all in for the life Jesus had for him. That is his story to tell, and perhaps he will share it with you all at some point. For me I can say that such a drastic change in the life of a husband or a wife most certainly will affect their spouse, and I was not immune to the change in Craig’s life.  

After crying all the tears, being angry and sad, struggling through all the things that came as I fought to hold on to what I had, I finally reached a place of letting it all go. When I let the pieces of me that I knew sift through my fingers like grains of sand, I was left with what felt like nothing and felt nearly empty. One of the last things I let go was the notion that I needed success to be me, and that I, by my own hands, could control the outcome of my life or of our business. I hope I always remember that moment, alone in my car, praying and crying, letting it all go. “I give it all to You. Whatever You want to do with my life, I’m all in. I’m following. If you want to shut down our business, if we lose everything, it is okay.” Surrender. Freedom.  

I was really shocked by the freedom I felt after that day. The shackles of needing to be the best, to achieve and be successful, were gone. I was free to be me, whoever that was. 

Within the next year, Craig and I were invited to attend a Christian business leadership course that kicked off with a weekend retreat. I felt like an imposter from the beginning since I wasn’t technically working in the business, then it became even more uncomfortable showing up and being literally half the age and the opposite sex of the average attendee, but I was confident that I had been told to be there. The Lord used that weekend I spent there listening to some amazing speakers, being with seasoned business leaders who desired to serve Him in business, and my quiet time with Him in the Bible and journaling to teach me truths that I live by today: